When ‘About Us’ Page is True

Tea stall website

Rocket Corporation was founded in 1956. No one cares about it, but, we are extremely proud of this.

So, we make sure that it’s used in front of our brochure, press releases, website, or whatever little we have control over.
Money, exploitation, and imitation are the key motivators here at Rocket. Frankly, we only throw development and teamwork to sound like whatever the hell brings in more slaves.
Employees are valuable to us. Of course, we don’t want them to leave and that is why we like to insult them to a level they question the self-worth. One of our key targets is to pay them as little as we can without them leaving us for other companies. In case they do, who cares, let them be someone else’s problem.
We also have this thing called the strategy, or a word like that used often in the boardroom. It is driven by what happened in the last 24-hours. Future is uncertain, and that is why we don’t like to get ahead of ourselves.  After all, it is always easy to focus on issues that are irrelevant, issues that we pick in ultra-long meetings in the boardroom.

Vision and Mission

Rocket Corporation inherently believes innovation is a prestigious word to throw around. Everyone should use it thrice daily. We even make a note of people who do not use the word for long intervals.
It is an entirely different topic that we design products and strategies ripped off our competitors. We actually change them just enough so no one recognizes what we did. Boom, in your face, we are that good.
Did we say that we are also suckers for new ideas? We shoot ideas and keep a close watch on people coming up with these weird things. Secret team members’ society ensures that these individuals are ignored at lunch and company get-togethers.
Our work approach is to provide open communication, healthy competition, and zero politics- did you really fall for that? Haha.
Instead, we keep a close grip on every ounce of information and ensure that it bends to infinite degrees before reaching to anyone. It encourages inter-departmental rifts and fights, which takes their focus off the promotion and pay scale issues.
In the recent years, we have also made efforts to embrace new technology. A large part of this is to block great stuff from the internet. But it’s only for junior employees, now we don’t want our management to complain, do we?
Efforts are being made to install phone network jammers and memory erasers so we could keep the employees forever. How good would that be?

Giving Back

Oh yeah, this is the place for our 360-degree and giving back to the community shit. We do some weird projects for that. And they do not cost us a lot of money. What’s funny is that the government allows us tax rebates for that.
Environment-friendliness? There’s a bunch of activities for that. We made a PDF file to look serious about it. While you are here, let us throw the product in your face because secretly all our website is a trap for you to fall for our ‘solution’. We don’t give a damn what your problem is, just take the solution.

Ishan Mathur

Ishan is a published author, blogger, content and growth marketer. He's the guy behind SnapWryt and Copy Chronicles communities.

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